A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
