i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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