508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Acid is not a monday night drug
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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