I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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