if you like me you must not know who I am
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
