There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
