I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
