My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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