Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
