If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
