Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
