well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
