3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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