you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
God, I missed his penis.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
