I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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