Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
