You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
