Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think my tv is drunk
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
