i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
