apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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