do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
