Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
