I bet he comes in French.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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