somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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