I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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