I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
