I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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