Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
