dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
