I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize