If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
