WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
