Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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