So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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