Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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