I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
