R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
