I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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