Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
