did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
