Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
