So drunk its hurt
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
