My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
