Me. At least after what I've been through.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
