Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
