Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
