trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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