I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
only you would photoshop your dick
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
