i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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