remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
