He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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