The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
