i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
