im drinking this country out of the recession.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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