watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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