So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
