Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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