We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
