Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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