One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
