Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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