my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize