how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
