For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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