its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
