when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
