I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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