That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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