He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm having to shit out rocks
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
