every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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