so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
