i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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