Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
