and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
