i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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