I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
