did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
